Inoculation with jealousy

I.

- Listen, and you already got sometime so highly?

No. The seventieth floor. That is it is metres three hundred, hardly it is less.

- And Tour d'Eiffel above?

- You already asked. I do not remember.

The couple of high young men of the European exterior sat for tiny, turned of a green stone, a little table in a bar of Singapore hotel "Ruffles" and with delight looked in all four eyes at the megacity which has self-confidently settled down under them. The Chinese beer was rubbish, but a kind from a "tower" window – excellent. Simply spirit grasped. The girl smiled to ears and felt, how admiration overflows it, threatening to be splashed out outside with an attack of boundless universal love. Above all it liked to enjoy the moments when it is possible to catch an escaping reality for a tail and to fall asleep before it in enthusiastic amazement, in full admiration of beauty, polnokrovnostju and pleasure of a surrounding life. She has learnt to stop for a long time second and to receive from a unification with them physical, extremely sharp pleasure. Thanks Remarque. Has no value that was "to" and that becomes "after". The main thing to feel happiness, originality and value of that is this second, that now.

Beer here not cheap, though also vile. – the habitual deep voice has pulled out Lidku from pleasant catalepsy. 

The-god you mine! – it it is angry has led thin shoulders. – well, it is possible though for a while to relax? What value money has? And lines with it with beer. You only look at this beauty below. As if the tiny breadboard model created by hands of the skilful wizard: all moves, varies, blinks fires and trembles.

Words have sounded a tongue twister. The sensation was such as if her have violently woken, have interrupted a fascinating enveloping dream.

-Well, all. Excuse. – the novel has hastened to be corrected. – I of anything such have not told.

-Yes, anything. – a lead has turned away from a window: magic of a novel and attractive myth has dissipated in a flash. Now simply skyscrapers, sereli simply asphalt roads below stuck out, cars crept simply. Only very small and consequently not the presents — as though collected from tiny details of the designer for gnomes.

To become angry it was silly. Especially even the whole six days ahead – together at night, together in the morning, together in the afternoon. And about all remained joint life to forget it is impossible. From it began nothing to do to consider the public who has going to in cafe. Hardly croaking, hardly aching Chinese speech everywhere sounded. It alternated with specific regarding a pronunciation, but rather correct English. There were still any languages, but the Lead could not disassemble – natives too loudly spoke. In the cheerful companies sitting at tables more flashed gasli cheerful explosions of a laughter. Separate couples gently nestled to each other on rigid and inconvenient sofas of an institution. But all it was good and cosy: persons shone brightly pleasure and calmness of Sunday evening in Singapore. A lead has quickly caught general absolute serenity. Having seen enough of a picture as a whole, she has started to examine furtively neighbours behind the nearest little table. It was the noisy company of Americans in which the beautiful girl of years of twenty was especially allocated. The young lady had tiny doll mouth, the big round eyes, thin features and the direct black hair fastened in knot on a nape. Listening to stories of the friends, it so kartinno clapped eyelashes and so touchingly opened a mouth from surprise, that the Lead has involuntarily begun to smile and could not tear off eyes from a pretty attractive face in any way, perishing from affection.

-Rum, look. How to you that doll behind the next table? However, a charm?

-It with an open mouth?

-Well.

-Anything so-so the girl. I would be given to it.

-Listen, well will suffice. – a lead has given it up as a bad job. – you are eternal all will vulgarise. Besides it would be time though by thirty years to acquire, that men take, instead of are given.

-It all particulars. – already Rum with pleasure considered attractive brjunetochku. – do not force down me from correct thought.

You-will bring down you. – Has waved away the Lead. And two of them continued to consider the dark-haired girl. A lead has thought, that here happens – like anything outstanding, simply cute face, but it is necessary to add a few touching gestures and shining love to an eye life. And here. On you. Receive the present beauty.

You that, at all are not jealous? – The first the Novel has regained consciousness.

I am not jealous? – Not coming off contemplation, has responded the Lead.

-Well, me, certainly. We with you sit here, we discuss the nice girl. I pjaljus not it in all eyes. Also what – anything?

-And-a-a. You about it. – a lead, at last, has understood. – I to anybody am not jealous hundred years anybody. And more do not forget, that the jealousy is a fear of comparison. And I am not afraid of comparisons. All the same I am better. – she has mysteriously smiled.

-Well, this by itself. – has with conviction spoken in a bass the Novel. – and nevertheless. Speak, you are not jealous – means, you do not like. It that — all is terminated, and you absolutely any more do not like me? — He has theatrically sighed. — ah!

Unexpectedly for it "Ah" it has turned out such loud, that all inhabitants of a bar for a second have turned back on Rum and have amicably begun to neigh. The thin melancholy sigh in lips huge – unlike Chineses – the powerful man has too ridiculously sounded. The novel was confused and has reddened as a poppy. A lead has laughed.

-Yes it is fine to you! – through laughter she has spoken. – that you so zasmushchalsja? Consider – every cloud has a silver lining. Our girl too has looked at you. And now continually glances with interest. It seems, you have liked it. Not every day, apparently, you will see here such attractive man. Moreover the European. Moreover sensual. One only sighs of that stand!

Lidka could not calm down in any way and had fun in all.

-Well also scoff! Now here I will leave and I will lay down to sleep in hotel – one you will have a good time, as you know.

-Well you! – to Laugh the Lead has ceased. – I speak the truth. In attractive magic of your appearance at me it is never exact doubts till now is not present. At others, I think, too. I in you vtreskalas in sixteen years as last little fool only because you such handsome man.

-Was clearly. And now I you do not interest at all. Means, now you absolutely-at all like me, times are not jealous even.

Lead has wearily smiled and has stroked to Rum on a hand, calming as the whimsical child.

-Yes is not present. – It has cast away hair back. – I like you. Easy, uravnoveshenno and without nonsenses. As well as should be in normal home life.

Where the jealousy has got to?! It is indispensable attribute!

-Listen, well you to this nonsense have become attached. Generally, there is nothing more tiresomely empty jealousy in a family. You represent – all time you exasperate with questions, suspect, hints exhaust. To whom is it interesting? – She has sighed. – and that to me – here in absence of it is not clear on which attribute which has surrendered to you, to blame, except you, actually, there is nobody.

How it?! – the novel was surprised.

-Yes here so. In the childhood – I mean years from seven – that is from the moment of my first serious love …

Whether-it in your former schoolmate Ruslana that?

-In Ruslana. Listen, do not interrupt, and? And that I will take offence and in general anything I will not tell.

-Excuse-excuse. Any more I will not be.

-And so. Till eighteen years I was terribly jealous. Simply mad was and was jealous beloved of all and everything, including their friends, native, brothers, sisters, mums and daddies. You represent? It was a real nightmare of all my passionate Platonic ljubovej. Or ljubvej. Lines! Vljublennostej, in a word. And you were not an exception, by the way.

-Yes? And where all was gone?

Actually it is interesting to-you? History so-so. Besides, I think, you and fine remember it.

-Something not so. At least, in any way I will not understand, about what it you.

-Well it is fine. Itself has thrust. Only give we will leave a bar – very much here it is noisy. We will take a walk better on a night city. I to you on road will tell all. We go?

-With you – though on a world's end! – the novel has in a pointed manner kissed the Lead the handle, languidly covering eyes, and like as even postanyvaja from pleasure. A lead has again burst out laughing. – only over the bill I will mourn.

II.

Air in the street was improbable damp. Darkness – impenetrable. If not the sea of the multi-coloured fires which have crowded over a sea gulf in city centre to consider something it would be absolutely impossible. Singapore rolled in colours – bright, spicy, publishing unique tropical aroma.

-Look, the couple walks – too with us in the plane flied.

-Where? – A lead has looked in that party where showed the Novel. – yes, precisely. You want – we will go we will greet?

-Yes is not present. It is not necessary. Simply surprisingly – here and so a little Russian. It is necessary to meet that with us flied.

That here the especial? Generally from Moscow only "transaero" once a week while flies to Singapore. So it is quite logical.

They still any time silently went on high quay, beholding small cafes, obveshannye multi-coloured electric lamps, considering the old bicycle rickshaws which were travelling about on tourist city centre and examining the strange bronze statues placed everywhere, to a place and not so. One of them has seemed the Lead especially ridiculous: the sculptor has represented a huge thick bird with a female head and a female bust. Thus the young woman has been allocated by a tail whether peacock, whether indjushinym, and a breast – the improbable sizes. Brad under the full program, and all was looked together rather not aesthetically.

-Well? – The novel the first has broken silence.

What – well? – Lidka has so plunged into contemplation of an unfamiliar exotic reality, that not at once has recollected, about what he speaks.

I promised to tell to me history on a theme «what reptile». I weigh in attention.

-And-a-a. It. – a lead has shrugged shoulders. — you like to dramatize. At what here "reptile"? By the way, I very much even am grateful to you. After that case the life washing became much more reasonable.

-Let so. Only do not pull, and that I already simply die of curiosity.

-Was good. Listen. All has occurred in day of my birth. It when to me was executed eighteen years, remember? – The novel has nodded in the answer. — and as such "round" dates can be marked, I and was engaged in it. Has collected friends, generally yours, by the way. Still there was a para-three of my girlfriends. In total it was typed the person ten. Parents have shown nobleness and have given us apartment till the morning. In general, evening promised to be cheerful.

-Yes, precisely. I remember it. It was healthy.

-Well, it is to a clod as.

-Why? – With sincere surprise has asked the Novel.

-Therefore. I tell – listen.

They have crossed one of numerous Singapore bridges. A lead has turned to look at that party of a city on which they just walked. Also has fallen asleep in amazement. Behind tiny colonial small houses in one — two floors in which numerous city snack bars for tourists have been located, rose the skyscrapers constructed almost closely to them. Small houses were cosy, multi-coloured, touching, almost doll. And here huge vysotki behind them all as one were grey and gloomy – concrete yes glass. It was not believed, that normal people could erect them in the neighbourhood with such lovely old houses: were faster these are terrified from ambitions and consciousness of own importance aliens.

-So you tell or not?

-Yes-yes. Excuse. Was lost in contemplation. – a lead has shaken a head, driving away ridiculous thoughts on excentric sleepwalkers. – and so. We were going to at my place. At first, as usual, drank, then – played a guitar and sang, then drank again. As a result all became such "good", that simply horror. But as the company was a national team, and as any spirit of a collectivism there and did not smell, the people were divided into small small groups and have crept away on corners. I, apparently, was involved in absolutely senseless dispute with your friend Shurikom on a music theme. In those days he considered itself(himself) as the ingenious composer and often was to me on a visit simply because I in a room had a piano. As any music education there also did not smell, but it occupied my tool and hours selflessly improvised. First I still suffered, but after the lapse of two-three months have understood, that I will go mad. Also hurried up to slip away from the house as soon as it appeared on a threshold.

I also did not know, that it to you on a visit goes!

-Yes it is fine – did not know. You do not remember already anything. I to you told. Even that he as a result has imagined to itself(himself) that is enamoured in me. Here it was exact absolutely inopportunely. We with you then still have together taken away it on a visit to one my remarkable girlfriend. And it it is successful in it has fallen in love.

By the way, than their novel has ended?

-Yes anything, how much I remember. There were wild passions – with throwing, returnings, quarrels and even fights. And have then run up. Good, speech not about SHurike. It I, using that in birthday is allowed to the person more than usually, tried to bring up. Generally he always awfully took offence at such things. And here anything – suffered. And I have flown into a passion. It is remembered, the beginnings of that, whatever one may do, education is necessary for the musician. And has finished that it is simply obliged to enter musical school – time (it in twenty years!) and to buy, at last, the piano – two. Certainly, it actively resisted, convincing me, that all geniuses – self-educated persons and so forth. And the tool and at me is – so to me, whether it is a pity that? More shortly, we have lost of minutes thirty. Then this useless employment has bothered me, and I have gone to look for you that you have regretted me and have rescued from the rested friend.

That? I have rescued you?

Also you will not believe – as has rescued! At me at once all thoughts about SHurike and its playing music from a head have taken off. I have found you on kitchen. You sat on a stool at a door. And in a lap at you my girlfriend whom you vzasos kissed sat. We from it then in one group studied.

Whether-it Olga that? – The Novel has reddened.

-A-a, now you recollect? – Was delighted the Lead.

-Well, like pripominaniju. – he has confusedly murmured. – also what you have made? Has killed me?

-Yes is not present. – Lidka has laughed. – if has killed, it would be absolutely other history. You know, now I, having seen such scene, in general on it attention would not turn. And in the presence of playful mood also would join. But then it seemed to me, that the world falls. The sky falls on the earth. And my heart just about will blow up. You cannot imagine, as I am mad you liked. And that you at least simply felt desire to kiss someone, except me, was death similarly. In general, I have started howling. Olga there and then somewhere was gone. You became otpaivat me water, to calm, be sorry and something to explain. Said, that simply superfluous has drunk, that now it is more – never in a life, time for me it so is important. All it, of course, is not enough on me has worked. But as publicly to confess that to me have changed I could not, it was necessary to take itself in hands, to cease to shed tears and calm down. I did not talk to you. You then became at once such another's and hated what to pass it is impossible. It would be desirable to burn out for ever you from the heart and to expel from the life. But I have decided not to spoil all a holiday and to postpone a hysterics till the morning. And then simply took a cigarette and left in an entrance.

-Listen, really you it remember till now all? Horror what! And I have forgotten one thousand times. Not that details – even the fact.

-Here you see. Different people differently perceives the same event. On the future – consider. Therefore it is necessary to be able to rise on a position of another, instead of to catch hardly that at an axe. In a word, I have left to smoke and calm down in an entrance. That you did further – I have no concept. You, I think, already and you will not recollect. And that the high-grade picture would turn out. While I smoked and shed tears alone with myself, the pair has thrown out of apartment the person still, have then brought a guitar. Then almost all have joined us, and the apartment has become empty. Olga, I remember, too left in an entrance, therefore I have gradually calmed down. Has decided, that you repent, sit in proud loneliness and abuse yourself last words. And in general, that it is simply a shame to you.

We sang – bawled on all entrance something from "Chaif", something from "Alisy", from "Agatha Christie" — precisely already and I do not remember. Still I danced directly on a staircase in the long red dress under «All it is rock'n roll». And then from the next door any muzhik in underpants was put out and has told, that naderet to all of us ears. But to it has approached SHurik and has whispered it something on an ear. Then the muzhik has got out in a corridor entirely, has densely covered a door and has gone with SHurikom to me home. They have returned not soon – drunk, smiling and both improbably happy the friend the friend. «It is fine, children, have fun. Eighteen years there is time in a life» — has told the neighbour braided language and has disappeared in the apartment.

It-is necessary, and I am all have passed.

-Has found because of what to be upset! To you I assure, was not worse.

-Yes?

-Well. I remember, that when we have gradually started to come back in apartment – all already again would like to eat and drink, — I have tried to open a door in a bathroom. I thought to wash, again to make up and in general to continue to be the mistress on own «a life holiday». The door did not give in. I have not understood, of what line to someone was impatient to be locked in a bathroom. Good in a toilet – here all is clear, and has started to be hollowed at a shaky door by both fists.

TH!

What – "oh"?

-Listen, I, apparently, have recollected. You can not continue.

-Yes is not present. I is better up to the end will tell. I speak – everyone perceives a reality from the belltower. So it is necessary to you to look at all it for my part. In a word, you have opened to me a door. The kind at you was, I will tell, still that. In my opinion, you not so understood during that moment what to do – whether to try to get out, whether not to waste time at all on this useless employment, and easier to crash down in a faint – and business with the end. To put it briefly, both hands at you were on an elbow wet, and in a bathroom under a shower stream there was other my girlfriend – Irka – in what mother has given birth. Irke it was for some reason terribly cheerful, and she impetuously laughed loudly, as if it tickled everywhere and at once. You began to mutter something about that to Irina was impatient to be washed, and as it was too drunk, you have not dared to leave its one in a bathroom. Still that kind to be wounded or will take down there something. You muttered. Irka laughed. And from its laughter two not on years the big breasts jumped upwards and downwards, as if the enraged balls. In spite of the fact that you spoke with me, your eyes have rested in two Irkiny breasts. That you try to prove something it was similar, instead of me.

-Here lines! – rum both was confused, and was angry simultaneously. From what only dusty corners of memory Lilka has taken this crazy history? — But the breast at it really was out of the common. – what for it it now speaks, to it and most it was not clear. What justifications ten years later can be. — I could do nothing with myself.

-Yes it is clear. – Lilja has not paid attention to its condition. — I that, whether mind that? And all has ended with that I have left the house as was – not washed, with the begun to flow ink on cheeks. Only with a fur coat has thrown. Also has given to you to finish with this scene. I then long wandered on snow street. It was terribly cold – to put on boots I, by itself, has not guessed and in shoes was chilled through. That night I have learnt to like you through hatred. Through a pain, sharp as sewed also firm as diamond. I cut circles round the faceless panel house in six entrances and named you the swine, rubbish, brainless cattle and, certainly, — the silly woman and the idiot. I scrolled desired scenes in a head to sweep – as I thrust in your breast a huge knife, how are you doing flows away from you together with a stream of hot blood under which snow thaws. I pushed out you from a balcony, shot at you from a rifle, poured gasoline and burnt down, splashed out acid in your person. You writhed, coiled, shouted from a pain, became covered by bloody wounds and bubbling burns in my imagination. In a head rustled from the drunk; for a rage and passion. I wished to kill you only to leave to myself. To spoil, break, mutilate – that you it became necessary to nobody, except me.

-Horror what! Really all this nonsense so on you has affected? – Rum under impression has just in case receded from Leads on a step and now went nearby, but on distance. — and you were not angry with the girlfriends?

You know, no. In any case the one who changes is guilty always. Instead of with whom. – Lidka has sighed. — if there is a desire or requirement to descend "on the left", the object always will be. In a word, it is necessary to search for a problem inside. Instead of so: «a-a-a, this rubbish has come, has withdrawn at me the husband». Nonsenses. The one who does not wish to "be withdrawn" — you will not withdraw.

That then? I unless did not search for you?

No. I have come back home, because have absolutely frozen. There all have already crept away on rooms and have sprawled on sofas and beds. You laid in my room, on my bed, one. I had no place to disappear more, and I have laid down nearby. As was – in a dress, in stockings. You have embraced me and began to warm. You was much, and you were hot. And I felt is intolerable lonely and was chilled to bones. I did not begin to be pulled out. And has lain all night long in your embraces, being afraid to move, and watering a pillow silent bitter tears.  

Morning? I do not remember Something, that you have gone to me into scandal. Though could – in the end-ends I have spoilt to you day of yours vosemnadtsatiletija.

-Yes is not present. In the morning all already seemed to another. I have simply ceased to feel jealousy. Also liked you already somehow absolutely differently. You know, much for that sleepless night has turned over up a bottom: I to all have found explanations, in all you have justified. However, for the sake of it I had to reconstruct the system of values – I allocated a word "morals" now absolutely with other value. Such that it did not dictate more to me the foolish conditions on which as it was found out to live it is impossible. And the main thing – cannot be liked. If you remember, thanks to mine to "wide sights» year through four after that case you have overslept with Olga, and years through seven – in general it is strange, that you so long pulled — and with Irkoj. And I under you have enclosed Olga. Also a condom to you has brought.

I-remember. – rum was at all on itself to recollect and chew these silly events. But it suffered. — and I thought, you have simply drunk superfluous, and in general you have pulled on exotic quirks on a life.

No. Not absolutely. – Lilja has shaken a head. — simply I knew, that the forbidden fruit is sweet. To you it still would seem attractive if you just once from it have not bitten off. And so – has had, and has forgotten. Awfully sounds, the truth? 

-It is exact.

-But now you know, that I – am all the same better. Despite Irkinu the big breast and to Holguin love to kisses. Despite of all other women whom exists.

-Listen, give it we will not discuss more. Very much disgustingly all looks in your statement. It seems, now I start you to be afraid.

-Yes throw you. Nonsenses it is all. Though strange you the person – while I have not reminded you you that, to all these cases of value did not give?

You know, really did not think even. – Rum has shrugged shoulders.-Somehow by itself left, and instantly by itself it was forgot. And you, appear, all remember to trifles, moreover and do not become angry about me. I never in a life heard Something, that the woman so argued. And the more so did not see, that so operated. You frighten me.

Do not take in a head, good? I have told, that now to you is grateful. – a lead took Rominu a hand. — me for a long time already is ill nothing – so is is easier. You after all not from harm then did it. So left. Therefore consider, it has turned out simply, as though it to name … an inoculation with jealousy, whether that. 

Lilja with Romoj still for a long time wandered on a night city. And the truth – that in vain to waste time on a senseless dream, when round you such novel and mysterious beauty. Lilja with ecstasy inhaled spicy aroma of fantastic colours which clusters laid on walls of houses, covered with a surprising carpet numerous beds and hanged down from the stone vases placed directly on sidewalk. She with curiosity peered at persons of people walking in a long-awaited night cool, which poured out on street to breathe evening rest of an improbable city-state. Such small and such huge simultaneously. To it it was good. Neither cares, nor a pain, alarms. A condition of full and peace pleasure.

Rum silently followed Lilej. Tart persevering smells irritated him is it never liked sharp aromas. They prevented to relax and plunge into pleasant drowsiness. The thoughts which have been made dizzy by a smell, have snatched on it with the doubled force. As he tried to forget silly events more, than ten years' prescription, they have firmly sat down now at a head. But he did not think of little girls who with pleasure zalazili once to it on knees, kissed it, took on his eyes of souls. He thought of the Lead: about its deformed feelings, a former pain and the gone through fears. It knew well, that it – unique. Incomprehensible. Inexplicable secret which cannot be solved and which dements.

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15.02.2008 14:18 There are no words... Such impression, that you try to justify someone's self-humiliation. Whether the?
Alexander

18.02.2008 09:48 Alexanders, the sense of the remark is not up to the end clear to me. You meant, what the heroine should react roughly on occurred with it, to throw this person? You know, the world that and is perfect, that all people different. The unique philosophy of life is not present: at everyone it the. For you it is correct so, for another - differently. The girl has understood insignificance of an event, its accident. And one of sins, whether know, inability to excuse. If to you ineteresno - not the:). But I am not jealous. Also it is assured of itself.
Diana Mashkov

23.02.2008 23:02 Thanks that have answered! I too am not jealous, but change could not excuse. It seems to me, that the girl of the Lead - is unfortunate... For some reason. And still, taking an opportunity :), I wish to tell, that I liked your stories. I though and not the writer but as the reader I can tell, that at you - talent!
Alexander