The new

Published product - my first experiment with the large form. The novel over which I now work will be published in section NEW within three next months. Each two weeks - on three heads. Page 26.09 updating, 10.10, 24.10, 7.11, 21.11, 5.12. That is through every Wednesday.

About what this history? About a life, about meetings, about difficulties, about love. About the world of a reality and the art world. About strong feelings and carnal passion. In a word - learn, when will read. And I in turn invite you to take part in creative process. I declare competition on the best name of the novel (there is a working variant, but it to disclose yet I will not be). On the eve of New Year we will sum up - authors of the most interesting offers will receive as a gift the book "Plus the Minus Love" (at will - with the autograph of the author). The variants of names with the electronic address for communication leave at a forum in section "Novel". I wish us creative successes!!!

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The novel

My love – one your happiness,
Your happiness – only my will.
I are stirred with your beauty of passion,
You should become aggravated from a pain.
Guillaume Apolliner

Part V. The dissertation

The fourth chapter

Next morning has begun with delivery Kateriny to mum, and runaway on job searches. For a day I have visited several personnel agencies. Unsuccessfully. More precisely – offers were, but so ridiculous, that would be desirable to cry. Two thousand roubles. Three thousand roubles. Moreover not the fact that take: at you, the young woman, the child small. And well as will start to be ill? And no chief will be already glad to you. Five days in a week from nine to six – means, and it is necessary to go on job. And the sick-lists clean, know where... So you that, and the Tatar language know badly?! Well, no, to them it is necessary free – that both letters to write, and conversations to conduct. How it – what for?! We in Tatarstan live! 

That day I managed to agree only about one interview – on a post of the secretary of the director for shots of the large Tatar company. The salary was promised by two hundred dollars, and the most important thing – seduced that the woman has appeared this director. That is though here any nasty harassments.

Interview have appointed to Friday. I prepared for it so as if was going to to go to space: in advance has thought over a suit, has rehearsed speech, has bought books concerning management of the personnel. However, about books is it is loudly told, as in the central shop in the street Bauman there were only three tonjusenkie translation broshjurki on a theme. But all free time I studied their and labour legislation of the Russian Federation. A lot of interesting, by the way, and for itself has found. It appears, to citizens of the Russian federation with small children «children's day» relied not only the paid sick-list, as well as all the rest, but also monthly. Here so.

Day "iks", at last, has come also I, improbably strongly worrying about an outcome and pamjatuja that «meet on odezhke», long polished and smoothed out a suit, did the make up which has stuck to an official case and a hairdress.

Guzel Ilshatovna – my future chief — has appeared rather attractive brunette of average growth, vigorous and benevolent. The conversation has begun with smiles and questions on a family, has smoothly passed to an education and operational experience theme – it all time was verified with my resume, and then and on specificity of management of the personnel. When on its simple questions I gave out too developed answer, using pocherpnutye in brochures clever words, like HR, motivation, the internal client, she only cheerfully smiled and waved on me the graceful handle dressed in brilliants.

We have spoken approximately about half an hour before it has passed to main as it was found out, to a theme.

-Janochka, — Guzel Ilshatovna at once, naturally and in a related way, has passed with me on "you" — I with you will be frank. You the girl clever, with education.

To TH you I listen, — for some reason I was very much flattered with its praise.

The secretary, and the assistant is-actually necessary to me not. – she has significantly sighed. — but posts such in the list of staff are not present. You know, I generally in Kazan do not live almost – more and more abroad. And therefrom to operate affairs difficult. – it has conspiratorially winked. — that you will tell?

-E-e-e, — I tell could nothing: on the one hand, flatterly, that this lovely lady considers me of a worthy message all personnel job of the huge organisation, with another is a full delirium! At me and educations special are not present. And still — everywhere the dirty trick now seemed to me. Especially considering that Guzel was the cousin of the director of the company and consisted, thus, in any distant related communication almost with the President. It to me the angered employees of a staff department where I have brought the documents had time to lay out all "top secret" under a signature stamp not clearly on what.

-Was fine, — Guzel Ilshatovna has sighed – I will not hurry you. While I will tell, that here and as, and you solve.

And she has started to speak. That in the company works one and a half thousand persons that for last year manufacture volumes have grown for thirty percent also staff, accordingly, has grown, that further under management forecasts will be more. To me have explained what to operate such crowd it is possible, only being guided by the Tatar national tradition: in the spirit of implicit submission by the senior. The chief – both the tsar, and the god. And who does not understand, those need to be expelled a kick under back: after crisis wishing to find job where every month pay the salary, a pond prudi. The longer spoke Guzel Ilshatovna, the became more sad to me from firm personnel selection of the company: ordinary employees for people here did not consider. Then she, at last, has become silent and has acutely looked to me in eyes. I have involuntarily taken away a sight.

-Well, — she has disappointedly sighed – I see, you are yet ready. Think. Next Monday call – then we will solve.

-Thanks! – I sincerely was glad to that have granted me a delay.

yes – she has thought suddenly – nearly has not forgotten to ask. Tell — what for the dissertation is necessary to you? Keep in mind, we for it do not have surcharge.

-Was simply, for itself. – I Have answered and have hung a head. Wished to add still «to become the person», but has not dared. And what for? Hardly she will hear me.

-And-a-a. – has knowingly nodded Guzel Ilshatovna. – Like a hobby?

-Yes. – on a shower it became absolutely nasty.

-Then the Allah from it, with your dissertation. Only it is strange all the same – the clever girl, and so much time has spent in vain. – It has reproachfully shaken a head and has risen, letting know, that the audience is finished.

In me all has boiled. I have risen after it and have rested a sight against they be suddenly running under such pressure – eyes. It would be desirable to shout «Yes that you understand?! Yes that you notice round yourself, except the power and money? You do not know anything about the person – you, the personnel director – about its heart and a shower!» Certainly, I have restrained, though my cheeks flared, and words hardly have not broken from lips. Guzel Ilshatovna has scaredly shrugged shoulders and has turned away.

I with effort, but nevertheless have politely said goodbye and left from its huge, arranged with smart Italian furniture, an office. And has then gone down on the second floor, in a staff department.

Two employees sat at ragged desktops, having buried in old, tolstennye monitors and filled any tables.

-Well, how are you getting on? – That has asked, that is more senior.

-Was normally. – I have vaguely answered.

-Takes? – The question has again followed.

TH so has understood, what yes. – it is strange, whether I wish to work here, they at all have not asked me.

-And-a-a, — it even has not taken away eyes from the screen – has found to itself a rideable horsy, and at the same time and the girl for a beating.

-Why?! — I have asked again, having frowned.

-Yes therefore. – it has waved away. – you though about banquets have told?

-N-n-is not present, — I have answered, already expecting the next unpleasant revelation.

-As always. – the woman has sighed. – It is necessary to me to educate you: few times in a year our management arranges "korporativy" on different celebratory dates. Invite the necessary people, the important clients. At them the sanatorium is in the Hog. Ordinary employees – is more exact than young nice employees – you approach – it, at last, have come off the monitor and have thrown on me a passing – too call. Only not as visitors, and in quality obslugi. Waitresses.

-Well also what? – I Have asked with a call. This talkative aunt living in any world already started to bother me.

That! – she has sharply thrown. – in advance I warn: each banquet always has a continuation – in the same place, in sanatorium numbers. polovozrelyj the muzhik chooses everyone to itself ofitsiantochku and … — It has significantly gone into eyes.

I have thought, that the pause too was tightened, only when as a skin has felt on itself its steadfast, studying sight.

Simply it is impossible, whether what to go? – Cheeks at me have again started to redden, and indignation has driven already to the throat. Clearly, that I here to work now precisely was not going to. But it was sick to tears for those girls and women who have chosen to itself such destiny!

-Not. – Kadrovichka has shaken a head. – will dismiss at once. And where now job normal you will find? We for the salaries and children, and parents feed. Some and husbands at the same time. Anywhere plainly do not pay. I here from school have come – history taught. – with sad pride she has added.

I do not remember, but, apparently, I have not told more words. Silently has taken away the documents and, hardly assorting road, being confused in an artful design of low corridors, left office building practically under walls belokamennogo the Kremlin. And so you, appear, what, native my Kazan!

After that case I have visited on several interviews: it was impossible for me to surrender. Position not that. But the maximum where could take the person who has come «from street» is a small post with the salary hundred-two hundred dollars and implicit submission to the heads. Without own thoughts. Without initiatives. Anybody also has not given a hint at possibility of growth any there. And if on imprudence it happened to me to ask a similar question, over me poured a scathing look and contemptiously shrugged shoulders.

As a result of these humiliating drudgeries, dlinoju in a month, one became clear – I cannot join in game with such rules! Explanations all-knowing Karima were recollected and I have regretted, that have not listened to its words. Only has in vain wasted time and, the main thing, nerves. One only universal mockeries at my dissertation of that cost! Everyone strove me in it a muzzle to stick.

I do not know, who needed to tell "thanks" for how sharply and painfully I perceived now world around – probably, all the same Apollineru. But my understanding of sense of a human life had more than anything no general how spent days the majority of people surrounding me. The literature, slowly, long as the stone sharpens water, but has made the business. I accepted any not clear, high purposes, any far and perfect horizons which without fail should serve mankind «in the blessing». But how it is all to co-ordinate to necessity to think of a daily bread?! How to provide though a little worthy life to the child?!  

There have again come heavy and dementing days of reflexions leaving to Moscow and to try happiness there. To live irrespective of the husband in Kazan I as it was found out, could not: any employer, without east humility and knowledge of the Tatar language, I did not interest. Education did not go to offset. And Moscow all the same an another matter. As speaks Brown, there all job will be. Suddenly and at me something seriously will turn out: I and Katenku then will take away at once.

And more – there were thoughts which I did not afford openly, but also get off them could not: I thought, that if I will be with Artem nearby if smog to see it every day, at it the chance will grow fond really of me. And then no silly barriers to us will be terrible. A bowl of scales, that not knowing, Artem has inclined in favour of Moscow. On one interview in Kazan I have not gone any more.  

The fifth chapter

Before dissertation protection remains even the whole two weeks. Acceptable I could not do now anything – only performed daily job on the house and tried, as much as possible time to spend with Katjushej. In the afternoon we played, walked, thumbed through books, learnt the first letters, and at night – till the morning – I sat, upershis a forehead in wooden crossbeams of a cot, and ironed the swallow on a tiny silky cam. Tears flew from eyes on cheeks such is infinite-equal streams, that, appear, next morning I see in a mirror two deep furrows on the person.

I thought-thought-thought. Infinitely. The most courageous and at the same time most awful act in a life was coming me – to leave own child, to throw a tiny liked being which entirely depended on me. In a head one span only a word: « Cuckoo ». It drove into frenzy, to a new attack of despair and hysterical tears. No, I was not going to to leave Katenku in Kazan for ever, even thought such did not suppose! Yes, I was going to to come to it as it is possible is more often – if it will turn out, each days off. But while I will not find monetary job, I do not can to remove yet decent habitation, yet I will not think up how to arrange the child in a kindergarten without a residence permit and I will not find a way to remain from it the house when she will be ill, I cannot take away it with myself to Moscow. Who knows, goodness knows, it will how long be stretched"WHILE". Heart I understood, that I will not sustain separation from the daughter longer, than some months. That is, if to a smog to solve all a maximum for half a year – we will live in Moscow, I will not be in time – I will spit upon all and I will return. Katya is more important, any conditions, money, ambitions. As not too it is necessary to me much: would suffice on meal, yes would start up in library. But I for a long time already not one. And everything that I aspired to reach in the material plan, I have been obliged to make for the sake of the child. But only will be in it of sense if the child is not with me a little, and, means, it will not be completely happy. Mentally I have given to myself «on dispersal» six months – quite enough that and with job to be defined, and with Artem definitively to solve all – and if leaves acceptable nothing, I will return to Kazan. I will ask back for native University – at least, there I am am waited by liked job, and will wash at night floors, to clean a potato at restaurant, to dance a striptease – yes everything, if only to provide a life native the child.

Katenka felt, that infinite thoughts have exhausted me, felt, that something with me not and clung, caressed as never earlier. All time – the adult young lady of two and a half years – asked on handles, demanded, that I have shaken it before a dream as the baby, and it is very quietly ripe a lullaby a song. So we also have lived about day of protection of the dissertation – with constant tears on eyes and in strong, practically indissoluble, embraces.

Morning of day of protection was crumpled and nervous. Katerinu have brought to the mother-in-law, and mum with ingeniously playing a role of the devoted spouse Glory were engaged in packing of products for a banquet – a table it was planned to cover directly on chair. Any cafes or even dining rooms we could not allow ourselves. Especially if to consider that fact, that besides the organisation of a banquet to me – is more exact to Glory with mum — it was necessary to pay tickets of two professors invited to protection from Moscow. Similar trips were not compensated by it, and to spend protection with participation only the faculty of native chair was considered not solidly.

I said the report, which beginning a shaking with fear voice, gradually rashrabrilsja, even have got playful notes and have woken as a result of the tired members of the commission. Guillaume Apolliner, appears, at all did not leave my poor head as before it seemed to me, and has simply hidden somewhere at the bottom. It was necessary to allow to thoughts to soar freely in space of its creativity as feelings, both reflexions have returned both emotions, and, and the attitudes imparted by it. Let for a while, let for an instant, but behind chair I have again found true sense of life – arts, the literature, a creative component of a life were it. That is capable to mention a human soul to help it to be issued and even to regenerate.

It seems, I have managed to pass the honourable commission the inspired spirit. The audience has revived, has blossomed set of the refined comments and bright questions. I answered something in essence, about something bore perfect rubbish – now it was not too important. The main thing, to us with Guillaume was possible to disturb, entice, reach undercover strings of refined souls of scientific intelligency. Once again to prove, that in the literature something is hidden bolshee, than reflexion of time, history, people — in it lives unrestrained will which is capable to call the person for action, to give it stimulus, forces and thirst of a life!

The banquet has passed as well as possible. The raised and reddened professors under pleasant and drinks spoke to a stomach and an eye of snack willingly and much. And half-hour outpouring of one of Muscovites has been there and then nicknamed by "an aria of the Moscow visitor». However, specifying, it was perverted to «an aria of the Moscow member», by the commissions, certainly, but last word everyone who could, has lowered. The visitor selflessly sang a nightingale, admired not only harmonous structure of the dissertation, but also a thin camp of the post-graduate student, not only refinement of sights, but also beauty of brown eyes, not only accuracy of a language of science, but also sladkozvuchiem voices. To stop it resolutely could nobody. Finishing speech, it designated to me the big scientific future and asserted, that such candidate «is a serious reserve for doctor's».

I am grateful and sad smiled in the answer. Myself hope that can be, sometime, I also amused will become the provided lady and smog to return in a science, I will have time to devote the rest of a life to the literature and those eternal feelings which it is capable to inspire.

Irina Aleksandrovna too has exacted a promise to tell "thanks" opponents, to members of the commission and all who has helped us to come successfully to protection. I looked at the supervisor of studies so with concentration and continuously as if tried to pass on distance the thoughts. About what native and close it became for me for years of postgraduate study, about that, how much kind and tender words have collected in my soul, how it has helped me to see and expand consciousness borders. I have decided, that I will by all means tell to it it is all to be excused then when I will come before departure. And in advance awfully was afraid of this minute – knew, that she will not approve my act.  

Further there were still the toasts, new speeches. But they repeated in one – all spoke about my indispensable future successes in a science. I have seized minute when the acting have made, at last, a break and have slipped out in a corridor. In a throat there was a disgusting clod of insult for an unfair life and pity to itself. I have come in the semi-destroyed university toilet and have fallen asleep over the broken bowl in which of the faulty crane water exuded with constantly thin stream. Tears on the cracked grey surface were not late – flew down downwards, and they were carried away there and then with itself in depths of the city water drain by water wilfully running from the crane.    

The sixth chapter

Day of departure has been appointed to Saturday, on thirteenth of April – so we have agreed with Artem. More precisely, he suggested me to arrive next day after its arrival from England to Moscow — the sixteenth, but I have disagreed. Wished to stay with a city in which I should live, alone. To feel, that means to be here another's and lonely, to understand, whether I will consult with this feeling. It agree, that is similar on sincere mazohizm, but it seemed to me – I should be independent and strong. Besides the new life can be begun on Monday: here, also I will be engaged the fifteenth since the morning in job search.

Artem has organised everything, that could to my arrival: has agreed with the close friend about that I was at them with the wife couple of weeks while we will not remove something, has asked to meet me. Sergey – its good companion – by kindness sincere has not given up. Though I think, not very much was pleasant to it idea to shelter at itself absolutely unfamiliar girl, one of those self-confident limitchits, that crowds besiege unapproachable Moscow. Artem should arrive from England to Moscow the fifteenth late at night. I believed, that as soon as it will arrive, we there and then will start to search for apartment – it is impossible so long to constrain another's people. And, probably, Artem will agree to leave in due course the parental house to live with me. That I could with the dreams will do, if the hope is such rested silly woman at whom as scoff, and she dies last.

In Kazan I have spent remained time for preparation and sending of documents in VAK and on heavy farewell to close people.

About that I am going to to leave my parents, Glory and his family knew only. I with the great pleasure in general to anybody about what did not speak, but without it was not to manage – it was necessary to agree about the one who from them can temporarily incur care of Katya. Certainly, all found the sacred mastiff there and then to start to dissuade me from a mad invention. To shame that I have guessed to leave the orphan of the child at live mother. To explain to me, that in Moscow all the same not to live – what salary do not receive, on meal and that will not suffice. There everywhere the astronomical prices, a cup of coffee and that – hundred roubles. To contradict it was useless.

To me indefatigably proved, that I the silly woman-silly woman — and so at me all for happiness is: both the child, and the husband with the normal salary, both education, and apartment. Live, that is called, and rejoice. So after all is not present – the beginnings unexpectedly with fat to rage!

All it was sung in different ways, with different intonation, but without breaks – it was necessary to me to come only on a threshold. Only Glory was silent and stoically forthcoming rupture worried. Strange, but he has managed to support me a difficult minute and even beat off attacks of the relatives. Though the thought on forthcoming changes during lives obviously drove it in depression and melancholy. I it saw and was improbably grateful to it for support.

As a result our mums, having united, have struck final blow – everyone has from its part declared, that will not incur responsibility for the child and, especially, not begins to leave – despite a pension age – from job to bring up the grand daughter. To steam of hours per week to sit: please, but no more that. Probably, similar caution has been urged to break my mad will. And would break, undoubtedly, do not occur already it is all «on public», for show. In me the obstinate spirit of the contradiction has suddenly regained consciousness: the further, the less I wanted and could follow the tastes of parents. I defended the opinion in defiance. Even most it is not believed — after all once, very long time ago, I was the obedient house girl. The devil only knows, can, and in it influence Apollinera which all life silently listened to manuals of the loud mother too has affected, and each time again left from it to Paris. And differently, as it could give vent to the talent who would allow to live to it own life, to be engaged is unique an important issue – in a family resolutely nobody understood its passions to writing, naming it «bad bent». The madam Kostrovitsky only reproached the son with silly whim: it is dragged in the Paris on bars, demountable corners, not having a penny behind soul, lives as the tramp, is found with any otrepem. And houses after all both it is pure, and it is nourishing, and warmly. Live, as the person, be engaged in business and rejoice!

Here and I, similar, could not live more as the person: the tiny world of feigned narrow-minded happiness became opposite to me. But apollineru it is pardonable – it the genius, and children on anybody did not throw.

I have cried on the quiet, and we with Glory were engaged Katya's in device in a kindergarten, and at the same time and search of the nurse. To time remains catastrophically a little, the problem before me stood the improbable: I should find absolutely another's person to whom I will dare to entrust the daughter to which should replace to Katya mum. My heart grew cold with one this thought.

For a day to us in the house some women came by turns – I was closed with them on kitchen and long spoke, trying to find out, that at them on mind. Whom only the confused agency did not send me! There was an impression, that candidates on a post of the nurse are selected, having closed eyes and having stopped up more densely ears. Aunts came across angered, old more and more, slovenly – only children to frighten – from those who was as the fates decree caressed by a life roadside. This has exhausted and the alcoholic-son has finished to the handle, that have fired on an old age of years, this, judging by the rumpled physiognomy and the beaten out forward teeth, violently drinks itself. Such women there was not that with the child to leave – in the house to start up terribly. In the evenings, after all gone through horrors, I had a seat at Katinoj beds and cried-cried-cried. On whom I will leave the krohu? And there is nobody was to share this grief. Itself, the idiot, has decided to throw the child. Nobody forced.

Has carried to me only one week prior to departure – from agency have sent the student of pedagogical institute. The modest, hammered girl from deaf Tatar village which has arrived to the Tatar capital to study. She lived in a hostel, parents did not help it – here and has been compelled to earn itself. I not that has understood – heart have felt, that Katenku Albina will not offend mine. And it could not offend anybody. And, how imperiously I dochura has dragged off the laughing nurse for a hand in a room – to play – still a question who here whom on window sills will build. So, the problem, thanks God, has been solved.             

But on a shower all the same was so nasty what not to pass. All my thoughts span now only around Kateriny. How she will live without me?! How I will sustain separation from it?! On ten times on day I changed intention to leave for the decision to remain, and on the contrary. I persuaded myself to calm down and was consoled in thought on that, what is it for a short while. For a while. That, having overcome difficult barriers and having found the place in a life, I will manage much more to give to own child both in spiritual and in the material plan than if I will remain, I do not use chance — I will turn to the unfortunate housewife and I will reproach all around that they have made me such. Have not allowed to be realised. God forbid, of course, but for certain this discontent will be directed and against Katya.   

In all this history me consoled only one – Glory, whether definitively having become stupid from vital scrapes whether because mentally has already said goodbye to me, has absolutely ceased to disappear and has started to lead the mistress to us home. And I, the scatter-brained woman, with pleasure have met its Tatyana. Even it seemed to me, that let it is better Katenka will get used to it as our general acquaintance, the friend to a family, than will face it then when I will leave, already in other quality. All of us had together supper on kitchen at candles is there was Tannin a whim, diligently stirred about that is about this and pretended, that so it is necessary. Then I left to put Katya to bed, and Glory with Tankoj went to our bedroom. I do not know, what exactly between them occurred, but, having stayed there to steam of hours, Tatyana invariably left to itself home – the blessing, she lived nearby. Glory her did not see off. And I did not cease to be surprised to that couple of years back similar things at me and in a head would not keep within, and now here the mistress of the husband easy kept within in my bed. And anything.

All and really is too strong for last years has changed. Now I had other sights. Now and I was not without a sin. And except other, once and for all I have acquired a major principle of a human hostel – do not judge, and not sudimy will be. Only and it is possible: all to try to understand. After Tatjaninogo leaving I went to a bedroom and, not undressing, laid down on the place near to Vyacheslav already snuffling in a dream. I only did not understand, why it so is indifferent to it – probably, all the same it was not so much a beloved, how much a medicine. To me it is sincere it it was a pity.

Gradually Tatyana all became more courageous – when Katenki, the Glory was not a number, exasperated me with inquiries about that, what for I go to Moscow, how much I plan to stay there and what at me all the same plans concerning home life. I answered it fairly, as on spirit. That to Moscow meal itself I do not know how much, that for a long time I like other person and it is absolutely exact with Glory I will divorce. But, as we with it have a child, and it for all life – will make everything that parting has passed as much as possible silently and without hysterics. Let at the child it will be better two good families (if the god gives), than fragments of one. Tanja udovletvorenno nodded to me in the answer and about itself built any, far-reaching, plans. It even has relaxed and has started to urge on and dispose of Glory. «Here it you in vain» – have thought I about yourself, but to interfere did not become. To me with itself to understand. Did not suffice still, having armed with own disgraced experience, now other people of a life to learn.

Before departure there were all some days. The ticket has been bought, all urgent affairs are finished. I would not like to be excused with someone at all and on hundred times to tell that I have forgotten in this Moscow. Besides all the same it is necessary to say lies. But, nevertheless, we with Katya have gone on a visit to mine Irke which during that moment has been carried passionately away next «the man of all life». The girlfriend, owing to good-natured character, never condemned nobody. It, unique of everything, sincerely was glad for me, has wished good luck and, having seen off us with Katya to marshrutki, has run on the love affairs. To Irina Aleksandrovne I too have gone together with Katya – simply not could leave recently it for a minute. The supervisor of studies, unlike Irki, has apprehended my bad intentions whether with insult, whether regretfully. Has told, that, certainly, fine understands as young now hard – both a family to contain, and children to raise: On all money are necessary, and in their science for a long time already is not present. But all the same it is a pity to leave business of the life – in it at it doubts are not present – and to throw all halfway. I, itself already in what not believing, promised as soon as I will solve essential household problems, at once to return to University. Whether it seemed to me, whether it has really taken away a sight. But the answer has not followed.

Karimu I have simply called. It appears, it too packed suitcases and was going to to leave almost in one with me put. It left together with the wife – the child while left to the grandmother, that me has a little reconciled with a reality. Means, not one I such on a this world. And other children are brought up not always by parents – different there are circumstances. And on the eve of departure they started the big "farewell" evening for clients and friends. Me he too, not especially, the truth, insisting, has invited. Only I had personally absolutely nothing to celebrate. It Karima the exhibition, new acquaintances and unqualified success already wait. And I can and to appear on a life roadside, if that. Full uncertainty. But the fact of that on an extreme case, me to whom will come behind the help, consoled a little. And itself Brown, rejoicing for itself, never neglected possibility to encourage others. «Correctly you do, – he has told with skill – all at you becomes good! At me intuition. Believe!» . On this is optimistical-bitter note we also have said goodbye.     

As if praying for forgiveness the fault before Katya and Glory, I to shine have cleaned apartment, have prepared meal for some days and, having given last valuable instructions to the nurse, have gone on station. I did not want, that someone saw off me. And so to the Moscow before eyes stood sad Katenka which has leant at a threshold a cheek against a door jamb and continually mum repeated, as got «, do not leave». Really someone from compassionate grandmothers has learnt as last argument?! Or all the same itself? Certainly, I promised to it to return soon, of course, have explained, that very much it I like and always I will be a number. And still …

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08.10.2007 23:19

23.10.2007 13:57 it is class. Very much it was pleasant to me. Know to me of 17 years and I too write stories and novels. Very much very much it was pleasant to me. Re-read 2 times. I wait for continuation.

23.10.2007 14:00 Super. Very much interestnyj and the weakening novel. It will be sensation of year.

So it was pleasant to 23.10.2007 16:49 Me, as it wanted to me to write books. You mozhite to learn me too?

26.10.2007 15:38 And me of 30 years. Books I do not write, and to study to write I am not going to. But while the novel is pleasant.

To 08.11.2007 19:47 Me 16 and I with 13 take a great interest years in literary trash of stories, shchas I work over the most important story of my youth))) so read especially did not penetrate, but vtselom is class)) vot)))
Anniya Zoloto

© Mashkova Irina Vladimirovna, 2007

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